“It was a mistake” you said. But, the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine for trusting you. David Levithan

Have you ever become friends with a friend of a friend? Sure you have. We’ve all met friends through other friends and typically, we don’t vet them because if they cool with our friends, then they are cool with us. But, are they?

I saw this on TV and thought it would be a great topic for a “what if” scenario. Here’s the scenario:

Your friend of 20 years, Nia, introduces you to her childhood friend, Alexis.  Nia and Alexis went to elementary, jr. High, and high school together and maintained close contact over the years. So when Alexis moved back to California, Nia eagerly introduced her besties. You believed that any friend of Nia’s was cool with you. After all, Nia was trustworthy, She was there when you met your husband and was the Godmother of your 2nd child. You and she had been through thick and thin. and survived it all. So welcoming Alexis into the friendSHIP fold was easy to do.

Over the years, Alexis, like Nia became family. She knew your husband, your children, your family and was invited to and participated in all of the family gatherings, events, and activities. She had also become a confidant. So when your marriage of 7 years ended, you shared with her and Nia your heartbreak and personal struggles. Your besties were there for you. You cried together and they gave you their shoulders to cry on. Throughout it all, they were there offering their support and assistance.

Shortly after the divorce, while out running errands for work, you look across the street and see Alexis hugged up with your ex-husband. Unwilling to make a scene, you immediately call Nia to let her know what just happened. As you explained the discovery, Nia listened but didn’t say too much which was odd. As you ranted about Alexis’ betrayal, Nia remained silent. Why didn’t she share your anger, your disgust? Had she known all along? Nooooo, this is your child’s Godmother, your best friend, you were convinced that she wouldn’t keep something like this from you.

After further conversations, Nia tearfully admitted that she had known that Alexis had started seeing your ex but felt it wasn’t her place to say anything. She felt it was Alexis’ place to tell you who she was dating. You still haven’t spoken to Alexis but know that she and Nia are still friends. Can Nia remain friends with both? What would you do? What would you say? Does Nia friendSHIP with Alexis mean that she picked a side? Are Nia and Alexis FRIENDS or FOES?

Let’s talk SHIP: Can your friendSHIP survive in this scenario? Would you be friends with Nia? Would you have a conversation with Alexis? your ex?

If you’d like to leave a comment, please scroll to the bottom of the page.


  1. I understand your feelings and her feelings. I’ve never been in that situation and contingent upon the level of friendSHIP I don’t know how I’d react. I know we’d probably NOT be friends though. I appreciate you reading AND responding to my blog Stephen. I am going to try to grow my readerSHIP this year and hope to deepen my content. Keep a sistah in your prayers Thanks again.

  2. Woa been here. Matter of fact asked advivce on the topic Val. Friends of mine a married couple whom ive known for years and care for. The husband was cheating with some girl who he thought was cool to bring around my place but I told him out of respect for his wife who was equally friends with me that I did not think that was cool and if he was going to do what he was doing that he shouldn’t do in my line of sight. As with EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. Things came to lite via another mutual friend who saw fit to tell. However I got thrown under the bus as someone who knew but said nothing. The wife was hurt and felt betrayed by me as well for not opening my mouth and for a long while I lost her as a great friend. My only defence in this whole: it is not my place to pass bad news along that’s not what friends do. Because ultimately this is they’re marrage to work out or not and 9 times out of 10 they will. Once this happens who is the bad guy? Today I remain a trusted friend of both who have since worked out they own crap with absolutely no help or hurt from me. Yeah I know totally different but same. Life is a mess

  3. Darrelyn, I would terminate my friendship with both of them. I don’t do folks who conspire against me behind my back. It would have been different if Nia had of told me, we would be able to salvage our friendship but her NOT telling is a betrayal to me.

  4. First, I know that our friendship could not withstand this scenario. I believe she chose a side. The pain of this betrayal is something I couldn’t get over. The hurt, the anger?

    I faced a slightly similar situation. I introduced my best friend to my high school boyfriend, who I hadn’t seen in 10 years. They hit it off and got married 3 months later. I was close to both of them and tried to talk them out of it. Not because I was jealous or hurt. I just thought it was too soon.

    Well, the marriage didn’t last 3 months. 8 years later I ran into him. We agreed to meet for lunch and to catch up. I told my Girlfriend my plans and she was furious with me. It broke our relationship. I still don’t see why I was wrong. I wasn’t dating him. I knew him first. And, I told her about it.

    Is this the same? I gave her my blessings when she started dating my old friend. In your scenario, their is no way I would date any of my friend’s exes. Nor could I be friends with either of them. If one of my girl’s would do that to you she’d do it to me. I would insist she tell her and it would break our friendship, as well.

  5. Nia and Alexis are closer to each other than Nia and I are so I would dissolve the friendship with both ladies.
    The line of trust was crossed, when Alexis developed a relationship with my ex.
    So to answer the question, they are Foes.

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