“While all deceptions require secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive.” Sissela Bok
Another what if scenario:
Four years ago, at a local eatery grabbing a bite to eat, you met a wonderful man and have been together ever since. Like all relationships, you’ve had your share of struggles both personally and financially all of which you’ve worked through. You both recognized that these tough time experiences made your relationship stronger. You live about 20 minutes apart and spend so much time together that both of your places feel like a home away from home.
When you first met, he worked at a dead-end job that he didn’t like and didn’t pay well whereas you work from home at the same not so glamorous management job and for many reasons live on a strict budget. During your 2nd year together, he landed his career job making more money and immediately asked you to marry him. You were ecstatic and immediately began planning your wedding. You wanted something elegant but needed to stay within your budget. So a year later, you had a modestly elegant wedding.
On your honeymoon, as you walked hand in hand on the beach of St. Croix, you trembled at the thought of sharing the secret that you’d been holding onto since you had met. You were fearful of how he’d respond. Would he understand? Or Would he be angry? You didn’t know but all you knew was that you had to tell him NOW.
Finally, you conjured up the courage to tell him. You stopped walking, let his hand go, turned him towards you and said, “honey, I have something I need to tell you and I’ve wanted to tell you a million times but was afraid of how you’d respond.” He”s listening attentively and can sense your nervousness just as much as you can sense his concern and curiosity. He inquires, what’s going on? What you gotta tell me? Say it!
You start off reminding him that you love him and am in love with him and these past 4 years have been the best time of your life. You guys falling in love and getting to know each other has been like a dream come true. You continued explaining that for the most part, EVERYTHING he knew about you was genuine and true with one exception. His face now turned to concern and confusion.
You explained that before you met, 6 years ago, your grandmother passed away and left you 8 million dollars. You never knew she had that kind of money but turns out grandma made some wise investments. The apartment you live in, you own the building and you own the one he lives in too. You explained that your intent was not to deceive or appear dishonest, your quest was to find true love. You didn’t want men to come after you for money. You wanted to be wanted and needed for who you are and not the money. You wanted to find someone who loved you for you.
You remind him that you dated a couple of guys before him and it didn’t work out but they didn’t know you were a millionaire. You were satisfied knowing that these relationSHIPS didn’t work out for other reasons besides money. You told no one about your inheritance and when you met him, your non-disclosure approach was the same but quickly discovered with him, things were different.
With him, your heart fluttered when he”d call. With him, the way he looked into your eyes melted your heart. You knew that you were in love with him and wanted to tell him many times but just couldn’t. Throughout your relationship, he demonstrated that he was interested in you for you and that is why you are absolutely head over heels in love with him and look forward to spending the rest of YOUR lives and YOUR money together.
Would you be angry? Would you feel betrayed? Would you be able to get over it?
SHIP TALK: How would you respond to this new information? Would you be mad? Would you feel betrayed? Is it a deal breaker? Do they get credit for NOT having a pre-nup?