“Continuing to play the victim is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Blaming others for your situation in life will indeed make you a victim but the perpetrator will be your own self, not life or those around you.” Bobby Darnell

Are you the type that always thinks whenever something goes wrong it’s not your fault, someone else did it? Do you know someone who constantly blames others for all the bad in their lives?  It’s her fault that I don’t have … It’s his fault that I can’t… We all know people who feel that others– deny them what they need, keep them from what they want, and deserve, control them, and make them do what they don’t want to do. But how? How can someone else prevent others from living their life? Why do some people point their fingers and blame others instead of themselves? For some reason, they think life is against them and the universe exists to personally punish them. They view themselves as ALWAYS being a victim.  But why? Why do some people choose to live life as a victim? Especially when they are victimless victims?                     

We’ve ALL been victims of life’s challenges and difficulties. We’ve all –if not physically, then emotionally-been attacked, injured, cheated, fooled, and harmed at some point in our life.  We’ve all had unpleasant experiences that may have caused us harm. But, most of us have the ability to bounce back and learn from these experiences. We can objectively view the harm, assess our contribution, and take corrective action and move on with our lives. While others prefer to bask in the hurt and pain of the harm. They stay stuck because they’ve convinced themselves that they’ve been wronged. So playing the victim gives them permission to hold onto the bitterness and anger while constantly reliving the pain. For them, life is much easier living as a victimless victim.

According to Webster’s dictionary, a victim is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated, or fooled by someone else or harmed by an unpleasant event. And a victimless crime is an act that is illegal but has no direct victim. There is no harm directly and specifically imposed upon another person and as a result, there is no victim. However, real victims do exist. There are individuals who’ve experienced some horrific situations that have altered their lives and are real victims. A break-up with a boyfriend, a divorce, losing your job, your home, albeit painful and life-changing, circumstances, doesn’t mean that you are a victim. It may mean you are a victim of making bad choices. But, by no means are you a victim.

Being a victim evokes the feeling of powerlessness. We’ve all been a victim at some point in our lives but remaining a victim, robs us of the opportunity to live our life to its fullest. When we feel like a victim, we feel powerless and believe that there’s nothing we can do to change our circumstances. But, that’s simply NOT true. We are ALWAYS in control of our life. But how? It’s simple, LOSE the victim mentality and those who victimize you,  

Be introspective. Take your own inventory. Determine what you want and what’s important to you.  Then take the necessary steps to make it happen. DO YOU!!! Stop blaming or getting angry at people who don’t support your desires, wants. or needs. Count on you. Support you. Believe in YOU. Take ownership and responsibility for your own needs and wants. Your happiness and dreams don’t need to be validated by others. You ONLY need your permission to be happy. So, get busy doing what’s important to you and stop living your life for others. Live your life and stop being a victimless victim!!!

SHIP TALK: Do you feel like a victim? Have you been a victim? How did you rid yourself of a victim’s mentality?

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  1. You are so right. It’s a dark place to be. I don’t understand how and why people don’t see the damage they are doing to themselves. But, everyone gets it eventually

  2. I can say today I do not feel like a victim. As I get older, I have resolved myself that some people who victimize others do not know what they are doing, and many are victims themselves. I have been a victim and victimized others. Neither space is a good place to be in. With forgiveness and leaning on the good Lord above, I have transformed, through forgiveness and being forgiven. It’s easy to embrace victimization but challenging to move beyond the hurt and pain. Thank you for sharing Valerie

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