“But all the love in the world won’t save a SINKING SHIP. You have to either bail or jump overboard.” Sarah Dessen            

Strong friendSHIPS are essential to our well-being, and in more ways than we might actually realize.  But sometimes, even the best of friendSHIPS fall apart.  Regardless of how long you’ve been friends with someone, people can and do grow apart, and when the friendSHIP ends it can hurt just as bad as when a romantic relationSHIP ends. Although some adult friendSHIPS will last throughout life, others can make us feel like being friends is a life sentence. You know the type of friends who are –draining, non-productive, hurtful, and negative. The ones that pose as our friends.  Do you have friends like that?  If you do, JUMP, you are on a SINKING SHIP!!   How do you handle this type of friendSHIP?  Would you end a toxic friendSHIP or ignore it and continue?  I’m JUMPING because it’s a SINKING SHIP!  So for this week’s blog, let’s talk SHIP about recognizing when to jump from a SINKING SHIP!!  

Over the weekend a friend and I hooked up and caught up on life. While we were chopping it up, I asked her why she was still friends with her BFF who seems to always put her down or goes out of her way to publicly embarrass her.  She and her BFF are already an unlikely match.  Her BFF is loud, vociferous, and usually in the midst of some confusion or miscommunication. Whereas my friend attends church and is fun, respectful, and quietly reserved. She responded because she’s my best friend. I’ve known her for so long and that’s just how she is. I inquired if her feelings were ever hurt and she indicated- all the time. I explained that if she ever wanted to have genuine friendSHIPS, she had to let go of the ones that weren’t healthy anymore.   As we continued to talk, I realized that for her the thought of ending a relationSHIP that spanned over 40 years, despite it NOT being healthy, was not an option.  No matter how hurtful the friendSHIP was or how much she prayed, she was unwilling to jump from the SINKING SHIP.  

For most of us, friendSHIPS are important because of a shared bond that is grounded in love and mutual respect.  When we think about a friend, we think of someone who is loyal, trustworthy, and a confidant.  Someone who will root for us and cheer for us.  Someone willing to pray with and for us.  Someone willing to encourage and ground us.  Someone who will keep it real with us even when we don’t want to hear it.  A true friend without a doubt has our back.  But some people have close-knit friendSHIPS with people that talk about them negatively to others, who share their personal business, who make them the butt of jokes and publicly put them down.  Even though these so-called friends are constantly hurting their feelings they still consider them best friends.  Holding on to a friendSHIP because of longevity instead of how it makes you feel is unhealthy and will inevitably become a SINKING SHIP

See healthy friendSHIPS require that we learn to respect and trust each other but we must first respect, trust, and love ourselves. Because when we do, we establish our personal boundaries. We teach people how to treat us. What we’ll accept and what we aren’t willing to accept. And if those boundaries are crossed, we understand that it may be time to end the relationSHIP. Although it’s been said that friendSHIPS never end, that’s not true.  They end all the time for many reasons, but mostly because that person no longer adds value or serves a purpose in our lives. In relationSHIPS, we first have to learn how to save ourselves, and when things take a negative turn, we need to know when to JUMP from the SINKING SHIP. And after we jump, we can begin to heal from our broken friendSHIPS by surrounding ourselves with real, and genuine people. 

So if you’re like my friend and are having a hard time letting go and ending a toxic friendSHIP, or are questioning the quality of the relationSHIPS that you already have, …do what you must, save yourself and…….. JUMP from the SINKING SHIP!!!  

SHIP TALK: Would you end a toxic friendSHIP and jump from the SINKING SHIP?

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