“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.“ Oscar Wilde
People, in general, are or can be SELFISH. They want others to accept them and the way they do things without any consideration or concern for how it affects others. People want to be understood but are unwilling to understand. While watching a relationSHIP show, in an attempt to justify her bad behavior, a woman said, “you know how I am!“, and I wondered what that meant. Are people supposed to accept other people’s bad or SELFISH behavior because it’s just them, being them? That is about as SELFISH as it gets! Instead of being flexible and modifying their own behavior, they expect others to accept it because it’s just who they are. Do you know anyone like that? Are you like that? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! So, for this week’s blog post, let’s talk SHIP about the importance of BEING SELFISH!!!
According to Webster’s Dictionary, SELFISH, is defined as: being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. Having any type of relationSHIP –friend, partner, romantic or platonic -with someone who is SELFISH can be difficult simply because the very foundation of relationSHIPS is based on give and take NOT tit for tat. Having learned from experience, that constantly interacting with someone who is an ego driven narcissist IS mentally exhausting and emotionally taxing. It’s problematic when someone always puts their interests and needs above everything and everyone else’s. And since SELFISH people lack the willingness or skill to be considerate and are limited in their ability to view situations from the perspective of others because they believe that everything is about them, so it then becomes our responsibility to establish and reinforce boundaries in our relationSHIPS to protect ourselves. Despite the word SELFISH having a negative connotation, BEING SELFISH is not always a bad thing.
Truth be told, we should all be a little SELFISH because it provides the boundaries, we need to protect ourselves from other problematic SELFISH people. But we want to be the good kind of SELFISH — the kind of SELFISH that keeps the focus on our individual wants, needs, and desires. The good kind of SELFISH that allows us to be in control of our lives. The good kind of SELFISH that allows us to steer our lives in a forward, positive direction. The good kind of SELFISH that provides us with opportunities to find the value in being who we were created to be. The good kind of SELFISH that protects us from emotional and physical pain and discomfort. The good kind of SELFISH that protects both our spirit and our peace. Yes, you heard right…….the good kind of SELFISH trumps the problematic kind of SELFISH…. because it requires us to put ourselves first. BEING SELFISH increases our overall sense of worth and gives our lives meaning because it allows us to explore why we matter. Caring for ourselves, focusing on ourselves, and ensuring that our own individual needs are met are the good kind of SELFISH activities that are essential to our mental well-being.
Although it’s true that, BEING SELFISH can definitely affect AND alter the mutual give-and-take necessary for healthy relationSHIPS to exist, it is also important to have room within our relationSHIPS to be SELFISH. Since SELFISH people don’t perceive themselves as BEING SELFISH, we have to be SELFISH too. We have to protect ourselves by establishing and enforcing boundaries that are important to us. See, if we want to preserve the peace and restore tranquility to our lives, we have to practice BEING SELFISH. We have to use our power to eliminate SELFISH people that impose their personal will on us, even if it requires removing them from our lives. BEING SELFISH will send us on an exciting path of self-discovery that allows us to make our mental health and well-being a priority. So, from this point on, BE SELFISH, make yourself a priority because you are MORE than worth it. And when others remark and notice the changes you’ve made, BE SELFISH and in your most SELFISH voice, tell em…..”YOU KNOW HOW I AM!”
SHIP TALK: Are you SELFISH? Know someone who is?
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