“When you learn to accept instead of to expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.”  Robert Fisher

It takes courage to ask a question considering the answer could be risky, especially if it’s NOT what we want to hear. Typically questions only have two answers- YES or NO-and both evoke very different responses.  Most of us welcome a YES because it means we are going to get that thing we desired, which usually makes us happy.  But, when we receive a NO, our response is very different.   NO means we are NOT getting that thing we desired. Although we’ve been told NO many times, just hearing the word can cause us to get angry and upset.  Some people take NO as a form of rejection and fear asking for what they want.  So, because of that fear, they’ll never ask anyone for anything.  NOT ME!!!   I HAVE TO ASK. Knowing that there are only two responses, I can accept a NO without having an emotional meltdown or taking it personally.   How do you respond when you receive a NO?  Do you feel rejected? Do you take it personally?    I DON’T!!!!    I need and want an answer, so I HAVE TO ASK!  For this week’s blog, let’s talk SHIP about why I HAVE TO ASK!!!

The old saying, “a closed mouth, won’t get fed” stresses the importance of asking for what we want, and I live by it!!! My father used to always tell me that I’d ask anyone for anything and it’s true, I WILL.   I am not afraid to ask for anything……a discount or a hookup.  I’ll ask for an upgrade when renting a car, or a hotel room, Or a free soda when I’m buying a burger. It doesn’t matter what it is, I HAVE TO ASK.   Asking doesn’t bother me and neither does hearing NO.    If there is something to be gotten for free, or a discount to be had, trust me, I am going to ask. In college, a friend and I were having a nice long lunch.  As he and I continued to chat and eat, our waiter was so friendly and attentive, so I decided to ask him for a free bottle of wine.  He was so surprised by the question, he responded sure. My friend couldn’t believe it.  I don’t know why he couldn’t. I simply asked a question and received a response that he nor I was expecting. What should have been a NO, turned out to be a surprise yes.  Despite not expecting a favorable response, I received one and was glad that I asked. One of my old coworkers loved going to lunch with me because we’d get something free- a biscuit, an extra chicken wing, or a soda-with our order because she knew I was going to ask, and I always did.   If I want something, I HAVE TO ASK for it.

Are we asking for what we want in our relationSHIPS? If we aren’t, we should be!!! Since relationSHIPS are constantly evolving and growing, we need to ask our mates what their emotional and physical needs are while also expressing and sharing ours. If we want long-lasting and meaningful relationSHIPS, we must be willing to ask and honestly answer questions without taking them so personally. Without open and honest communications, relationSHIPS won’t and can’t survive. Keeping quiet about how we feel emotionally or not stating our needs will only lead to us harboring resentments, which will cause conflict and create distance in the relationSHIP. We need to feel comfortable enough to ask our mates for what we want and need. We should ask for their honesty, affection, support, respect, and for our personal space. We should ask them for relationSHIP directions. Where are we going? If we don’t ask, we won’t know where or if they can lead us. Although asking for what we want is imperative, so is accepting the answer. We have to realize that even though the response may not be what we want to hear, we must accept it. The only way we’ll know anything for sure is if we ask the question. But, when we ask, we must also be willing to accept the response. If it’s a NO, we simply have to accept that it’s an answer to a question that we’ve asked. I always want to know, so I HAVE TO ASK. 

Lastly, I ask because asking is biblical. In Matthew, 7:7-8 it tells us: Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. This is a reassurance that we should ALL be asking for what we want and that we should be open to believing that we will receive what we ask for. Asking IS a form of communication. But, when we ask a question, we must be willing to accept the answer/response regardless of what it is. When NO is the answer it doesn’t require a tantrum, begging, or giving the silent treatment, it requires acceptance. I learned at an early age that NO was just a response and that it wasn’t associated with rejection. Because, if it were my parents, who loved me, would have never said NO and I heard it often. Instead, I accepted that hearing NO wasn’t personal, it was simply a response to a question that I had posed. So I can accept a NO without having an attitude or being disappointed. NOT asking would cause me to have regrets.

So don’t let NO stop you from asking for what you want, because if you ask, it shall be given unto you. That’s the reason why I HAVE TO ASK and why I will continue to ASK for what I want!!!

SHIP TALK: Do you ask for what you want? Do you take NO personally? Are you afraid to ask for what you want?

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