“My Mission Is to Please You” Isley Brothers

How is it that some men are good in bed, while others not so much? It’s a conversation that I’ve had with several girlfriends and co-workers that have also had disappointing bedroom experiences. But, during these conversations, we’ve never come up with any conclusive or verifiable reasons why. Why is it that some men are skilled in bed and others are lousy?  Did the skilled one’s practice? If so, how? Did they read books, watch porn videos? How do some men become skillful while others aren’t?    

Is practice the answer? If it is, then how is it that some men are better than others? Do the good ones spend more time practicing and researching the art of sex than the bad ones? In my limited sexual experiences, I’ve discovered that men fall into basically 2 skill categories- Crafters and Bobbers.  

Crafters typically view sex as an experience and strive to craft a pleasurable one for his partner starting with the act of foreplay, Crafters, through their actions, let you know that their focus is on satisfying and pleasing you rather than themselves. Crafters demonstrate true skill by creating a head to toe experience which is the very essence of making love because they take the time to foster an environment where a woman can relax and be vulnerable. But, once again. where and how do/did Crafters acquire their skills?                          

Then there are the Bobbers. The Bobbers unlike the Crafters, view sex as an opportunity. They are not concerned with outcomes, just the act of having sex. They are not into pleasing you, they are more into… you get yours imma get mine. The Bobbers spend most of their time bobbing their heads up and down and before you can blink, he’s done, leaving you on fire and unsatisfied. But, a Bobber believes that they have rendered a satisfying sexual performance and afterward have the audacity to ask for a critique of their experience. HUH?

I remember hooking up with a guy that was in his late 40’s, he was a chocolate hotty with a very nice body. We flirted for months. He was such a nice dude. He would bring me little gifts each time he visited. The sexual anticipation kept building and finally, it happened.  I was sooo excited but quickly discovered this dude was a Bobber-Wonk, wonk. The sex was EXTREMELY disappointing. I mean DISAPPOINTING.  Just like a true Bobber, he was searching for a compliment and asked how was it?                                     

I shrieked but was truthful. I told him, it was a waste of my time and it left me unsatisfied. He was shocked. Not sure if he was shocked at my honesty or the critique. I felt NO obligation to be anything but honest with this dude, so I explained that if I was willing to share this level of intimacy then he needed to be like Kool Moe Dee and “go to  work.” I eventually gave him another try but the results were the same. Nonetheless, I stopped answering his calls and thankfully he stopped calling.                             

I’ve accepted that how and where men learn their bedroom skill and techniques maybe something we women will never know. Even if you ask a man, the answer may not be truthful because Bobbers actually think they are Crafters and we KNOW  that is far from the truth.   But, I do know that I’m not the only woman who has encountered both of these skill levels and hands down prefer a Crafter any day.           

SHIP TALK: Have you had a terrible bedroom experience? Were you honest about your partner’s performance with them?  How did they receive the information?

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