“The relationSHIP with yourself sets the tone for every other relationSHIP you will have.” – Robert Holden

RelationSHIP television shows are interesting to me. I watch not only for the entertainment value but also for the relationSHIP advice given by the experts.   Most of the experts on these shows give great gems of advice that can be incorporated into our lives whether we’re single or in a relationSHIP.  During the season finale of Will Packer’s TV show “Put A Ring On It”,  the relationSHIP expert Dr. Nicole LaBeach said, “relationSHIPS are about MANAGING OURSELVES. We have a tendency to look at those we are in relationSHIP with and believe it’s about them.  About fixing them.  When the fact is, it’s about MANAGING OURSELVES.  It’s about whether we are willing to do the work to move our relationSHIPS forward.” As I pondered her words, I overwhelming agreed.  Do you agree?  Is it our responsibility in relationSHIPS to MANAGE OURSELVES?  How do we MANAGE OURSELVES?   What does MANAGING OURSELVES mean?  Let’s find out.  For this week’s blog, let’s talk SHIP about MANAGING OURSELVES!!!

The truth is most of us are guilty of losing parts of ourselves somewhere along the way in our relationSHIPS.  We’ve all put the needs of others before our own. When finding a partner and entering into a committed relationSHIP, oftentimes we slip into a false sense of reality believing that now we are finally complete. Since we are happy, we no longer feel the need to continue on our path of self-discovery.  Instead, to make the relationSHIP work, we become brand new people.  We stop focusing on and discovering ourselves and morph into someone new by assuming the traits and characteristics of our mates.  But losing a sense of self can be dangerous. Self-discovery is a continuous life-long process that doesn’t end when we enter a new relationSHIP. It’s a process that’s important to continue, especially when in a relationSHIP because it teaches us new things about ourselves and who we want to be as a partner.  Self-discovery provides us with the information and tools we need when MANAGING OURSELVES.  

RelationSHIPS are not just about our mate’s wants and needs, they’re about ours too. They are about the way two people connect and relate. They are about compromise and transparency. Peter F. Drucker, a management consultant, once said, “Managing yourself requires taking responsibility for our relationSHIPS.”  MANAGING OURSELVES is taking the time and space needed within the relationSHIP for ourselves. MANAGING OURSELVES is knowing how we should be treated in our relationSHIPS. MANAGING OURSELVES forms the boundaries of what we will and will not accept in our relationSHIPSMANAGING OURSELVES is allowing ourselves to experience life independently without always having to be together because it offers us an opportunity to share new experiences, ideas, and thoughts when reconnecting with our mates.   MANAGING OURSELVES is recognizing that being our authentic selves is the key component to having a healthy, long-lasting relationSHIP. MANAGING OURSELVES determines who we show up as in our relationSHIPS.

MANAGING OURSELVES is understanding that our individual experiences are just as valuable as our shared experiences. MANAGING OURSELVES is acknowledging that we are solely responsible for our own happiness. MANAGING OURSELVES is accepting that no matter how much we love someone, we can’t change them. MANAGING OURSELVES is knowing when to get out of an unhealthy relationSHIP. MANAGING OURSELVES is recognizing the value and worth that we bring to our relationSHIPS and protecting those assets at all costs. MANAGING OURSELVES is understanding that even though there is a “we”, there was an “I” first. So, let’s stop trying to fix or repair our broken relationSHIPS and let’s start MANAGING OURSELVES!!!

SHIP TALK: Are you MANAGING YOURSELF in your relationSHIPS? If so, how?

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2 Replies to “MANAGING OURSELVES!!!”

  1. You are so right Sharon. But people do deny themselves for the sake of being in a relationSHIP and in the end, it’s not going to save it. RelationShIPS depend on connections and commonalities. Thanks for responding, I love you and appreciate your support.

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